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Just simply a “chatting” post. Here it goes…

A : Hmm, I’m wondering after so many weeks, you never asked me why I decide to separate with my wife and being together with my new gf half my age.

B : Err… am I suppose to ask that question? Anyway… why ar?

A : HA! Now you ask. Well, you see… there are so many different people with different characters and value in life. My wife is one that likes to control. She’s some sort like a “mercenary”, where whatever is your, is mine…whatever is mine, is mine. For so many years, no matter how hard I worked, I ended up having no money for myself. She’s earning twice at much as me, but she’s never satisfied. She’ll keep all my money. If I talk to her bout it, then she’s not happy…

B : Well, mayb she scared you simply use those money leh… and since you so leng chai, mayb she scared you go flirt with other women leh?

A : It’s not like that. You see… she has a habit of wanting people to obey to her orders. My 2nd child for instance, he got 6A’s and 1B for his UPSR, but her mother didn’t allow him to follow us travelling. She has many discipline in life, she’s very discipline herself, and she’s expecting everyone to be like her. When I talked to her bout it, she replied, “If you’re not happy with the way I teach the children, then why don’t you take over my task?”

B : Err… woow…she must have very high expectation on your children.

A : All parents have expectation on their children, but there must be a limit to it. You saw the way I work with you guys, I don’t like giving pressure unless it’s really necessary. And all of you know how busy I am, disappearing from the office for a few days often. So I can’t do anything much to help my family, my children you see. Every night when I’m back home, I can hardly spend time with them coz they’re revising their work.

B : How long have you been married?

A : Well, bout 20 years. If you asked me 10 years ago whether I’d file for a divorce, I’d confidently say NO. But now here I am, on the verge of getting a divorce.

B : How did you meet your wife? and was she like that when you first met?

A : She was once my customer, ordering machines for her university’s lab. After being married, she has a tendency to compete with me. She used to tell me that she’s better than me, coz she got a first class honour for her degree. So I told her, she might be better theoretically, but not in practical works, so she kept quiet. When she got her master, she told me that she’s now better than me, she’s teaching so many students, but I told her that while she’s teaching students, I’m teaching lecturers… you know, teaching them to use our PCB machines… then she kept quiet again. When she was taking her PhD, it was a hard experience for her. All this while she passed her degree and master through exams, but she got no idea how to pass her PhD, which require research. She used to write journals and asked me to read and give her comments in order to know how good was her papers. She dealed with robotics, artificial intelligence etc which I think suits you more than I am. All those are totally out of my scope and then she reminds me that she’s now better than me.

B : But why whould she wanna compete with her own husband? To prove that she’s more worthy than you, to show that she has higher authority than you, or what…?

A : I don’t know, and I don’t want to know either. But anyway my children are better off now. they have much freedom after I left with the help of my sisters-in-law (wife’s sisters). They’re probably think I’m a total BASTARD now but it’s ok. I promised her (my wife) that I will pay every month for my children expenses, to make sure that they get a good education. At least that’s what I can do right now.

B : Hmm, interesting… so how bout your new Philipino gf, you can be her father at this age instead of her bf I guess… haha. =P

A : Well you see, in Philipino they have a culture, where young women would normally search for elder men to be their couple. The living cost is so high there that young men normally wouldn’t afford to pay for their family. They have so many cases there where young guy get a girl pregnant, then simply flee away… coz he can’t afford to support the family.

B : Why? Is it that the economy there’s that bad?

A : The economy is so-so, but people there are suffering. When I first met this girl and got to know she normally eat only once per day, I asked for reason, and she say she’s on diet. But when we get to know each other longer, then only I know… they’re actually too poor to have more than a meal a day.

B : So what is it with the girl that attracts you.

A : First of all, I like my woman to have big boobs, and she definitely has them! (yeah… pervert =P) Another thing is the caring she can offer me. When we’re sleeping together, whenever I touched her, she would cuddled, or mayb give me a hug, eventhough she’s sleeping! This is so much satisfying for a relationship and this doesn’t exist between me and my wife at all! She always stay by my side when I went visit her at Philipines, to get me accompanied and that to me, was so contended. One more thing is that she’s not demanding. Since she comes from a poor family, she’s easily satisfied with things I’ve got to offer her, and that makes my life much easier and happier.

B : So how often you meet her.

A : Well, I’m planning to bring her to Malaysia. I’m in the process of testing whether is she treating me real or…you know…  Life, to me is like bout another 10 or 15 years maybe. So I don’t wanna live a lonely life. If I’m dead one day, she’d definitely get something from me. All I can offer to her is some sort of security, in exchange for her caring and this so called “friendship”.

B : Haha… seems like you are treating relationship like the way you do business, trading this for that…

A : Well, at my this age, nothing comes free… Life is to be enjoyed, so sometimes when you are really tensed with your work, try to think what makes a happy life for you. There’s no point having a big lum-sum of money but not having the ability to spend it, right? We must be balanced between life and work, and that will make our life more meaningful.

Cast:

B = Me

A = My boss

This is our conversation during our journey to University Malaysia Pahang on Tuesday. Went there to service and re-installing machines for their new campus. Well, another lessons of life… =)

After a few months of separation, we’re together again on this special day…

This year, our 4th Valentine, we celebrated it at Singapore.

As people say, “Distance makes the heart grows fonder”… For me, it’s definitely true…

Things’re very different when you’re not here by my side.

Most of the time, I’m alone… and it makes me think and reflect on myself more often than ever.

Yes, my life routine’s still as normal… But somehow deep inside, something precious is missing… I’m lonely.

Yet, we both know that this is a challenge that we must endure together. If we can’t survive this, we can’t create future.

I used to think: “I’m suppose to… I should be… I must be…”

But now, I often asked myself: “What am I suppose to… How should I be… Why must I…”

Sometimes we wonder if we can have or can be better. All of us want the best for ourselves but sometimes, we neglected those imperfect things around us.

Life is too short for us to wonder around… yet sometimes we get something unexpectedly by wondering… new experience, self-realization…

To me, I’m grateful……

…… for I already have the best of the world. =)

I guess some of you who read this will probably wanna fire at me.

Don’t worry, I do not mean to address this to anyone particularly. Come on, no hard feelings ok? =) Just to share an article that I read recently by Christine Akiteng, a well known dating and relationships coach and I think the things that she explained is very true. Read on… =)

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Due to days of boredom in the lab, I find myself losing concentration on my works.

Recently I have been reading a lot, especially about relationships. Why do couples break up? Many people around me have encountered this unpleasant scenario before (I am not teasing anyone here… just my thought) and most are sad ending. Just hope that I will not face the same. =)

Read a few articles these few days and with the combination of my own thought, there are basically 5 destructive emotions that will turn a relationship sour:

1. Fear of Losing

Fear is unquestionably a double edge sword for us. From a positive perspective, fear is one of the main element that drive us moving forward. We fear of being outcast, being scolded, being a loser,etc… Hence, fear make us stronger, make us to be determined to do better.

On the contrary, fear can sometimes be negative. We fear of losing something we like a lot, we fear of losing something we love dearly. When fear become overwhelming, we try to find ways to make our fear subside. We hold on tighter, and become very particular with who we let borrow and take care of it.

What happens when we do that to a person? The sufferer will feel suffocated, being tightly control and at some degree, he/she will try to find a fastest way out.

Remember, we can never fully possess a person. The more we want, the less we get.

2. Jealousy

Jealousy is fear that your spouse will be unfaithful to you, find someone better than you or spend less time on you. Jealousy rarely comes up at the beginning of a relationship as both tend to spend more time and concentrating more for each other. At this period of time, most will feel satisfy with their spouse, feeling wonderful to know their partner find them attractive and have the feeling of being needed.

Unfortunately, this wonderful moment can never last forever. The couple start to feel familiar and comfortable with each other and the feeling become less intense. This is where people start to doubt their worthiness to their partner in the relationship. They find it hard to cope with their partner hanging around with their friends (especially opposite gender).

At this stage, peoples start to be restrictive with their spouse’s activities. At the initial stage, both might agree with some “rules and condition” being set but as the restriction grows, it becomes “over-controlling” and people might find it unbearable. The sufferer feel stressed and this will lead to the following emotion…

3. Lack of Trust

When things turn bad, human tend to be pessimistic. People might have these questions popping in their mind:

“Why is he being so controlling?”

“Why does she demand all these from me?”

“After all I’ve done, is it not enough to prove myself?”…

It is then the sufferer will start to doubt about his/her spouse. Lack of trust will result in something we call “over sensitive”. The sufferer tends to be very sensitive to what his/her partner says, where his/her spouse goes, what his/her partner do. In the end, instead of trusting, people start avoiding each other.

4. Ignorance

All of us, male or female, have our own ego. We have our pride and are proud to be ourselves. It’s always good to know that we are a little better than others.

At the same time, this is the exact feeling that close our mind. When we did something wrong, we tend to find excuses or put the blame on other people. Even if we admit that we’ve done something wrong, we would normally take it lightly just to cover our undoing. We fear of taking the responsibility.

We never wanted to face our weakness and never wanted to accept that WE ARE WRONG.

Imagine if your spouse behave like this, can you accept it?

5. Curiosity

Many of us may have thought of these before:

“I wonder how nice is it if Angelina Jolie is my girlfriend…”

“How wonderful will it be if Tom Cruise addresses me darling…”

Everyone loves surprises. People likes to have something new everyday. The feeling of having something new is so nice that sometimes we forget how important are the things we once have.

This is the same in relationship. After sometimes being together with the same partner, people sometimes wonder how will it be if their partner is someone else, someone they truly admire.

When an “opposite sex” indicates them some good intention (the more precise word is F.L.I.R.T.), people will sink into their deep thought, wondering how life will be if that guy/girl is their spouse instead of their current partner.

This emotion is devastating.

Many, I mean not all of us, are emotionally driven. For instance when we go shopping, how many of you have NEVER BOUGHT SOMETHING THAT YOU KNOW VERY WELL THAT YOU DON”T NEED IT? Can I have some hands?

If you never, then you are really good. =)

Face the truth, all of us have done that before. Our emotion has greater influence to how we act rather than our rational brain. It’s always our emotion that normally drive us to do something that we tend to regret later. When we’re curious of something, we’ll want to try it. We often neglect of what will come next.

So these are the common markers that normally lead to a bad ending of a relationship. If you have either one of them exists in your relationship, then you, or both of you will have to find solutions to solve it instead of waiting the another party to take the first step (ignorance).

After reading this, think again… Is your relationship failing?