Due to days of boredom in the lab, I find myself losing concentration on my works.
Recently I have been reading a lot, especially about relationships. Why do couples break up? Many people around me have encountered this unpleasant scenario before (I am not teasing anyone here… just my thought) and most are sad ending. Just hope that I will not face the same. =)
Read a few articles these few days and with the combination of my own thought, there are basically 5 destructive emotions that will turn a relationship sour:
1. Fear of Losing
Fear is unquestionably a double edge sword for us. From a positive perspective, fear is one of the main element that drive us moving forward. We fear of being outcast, being scolded, being a loser,etc… Hence, fear make us stronger, make us to be determined to do better.
On the contrary, fear can sometimes be negative. We fear of losing something we like a lot, we fear of losing something we love dearly. When fear become overwhelming, we try to find ways to make our fear subside. We hold on tighter, and become very particular with who we let borrow and take care of it.
What happens when we do that to a person? The sufferer will feel suffocated, being tightly control and at some degree, he/she will try to find a fastest way out.
Remember, we can never fully possess a person. The more we want, the less we get.
2. Jealousy
Jealousy is fear that your spouse will be unfaithful to you, find someone better than you or spend less time on you. Jealousy rarely comes up at the beginning of a relationship as both tend to spend more time and concentrating more for each other. At this period of time, most will feel satisfy with their spouse, feeling wonderful to know their partner find them attractive and have the feeling of being needed.
Unfortunately, this wonderful moment can never last forever. The couple start to feel familiar and comfortable with each other and the feeling become less intense. This is where people start to doubt their worthiness to their partner in the relationship. They find it hard to cope with their partner hanging around with their friends (especially opposite gender).
At this stage, peoples start to be restrictive with their spouse’s activities. At the initial stage, both might agree with some “rules and condition” being set but as the restriction grows, it becomes “over-controlling” and people might find it unbearable. The sufferer feel stressed and this will lead to the following emotion…
3. Lack of Trust
When things turn bad, human tend to be pessimistic. People might have these questions popping in their mind:
“Why is he being so controlling?”
“Why does she demand all these from me?”
“After all I’ve done, is it not enough to prove myself?”…
It is then the sufferer will start to doubt about his/her spouse. Lack of trust will result in something we call “over sensitive”. The sufferer tends to be very sensitive to what his/her partner says, where his/her spouse goes, what his/her partner do. In the end, instead of trusting, people start avoiding each other.
4. Ignorance
All of us, male or female, have our own ego. We have our pride and are proud to be ourselves. It’s always good to know that we are a little better than others.
At the same time, this is the exact feeling that close our mind. When we did something wrong, we tend to find excuses or put the blame on other people. Even if we admit that we’ve done something wrong, we would normally take it lightly just to cover our undoing. We fear of taking the responsibility.
We never wanted to face our weakness and never wanted to accept that WE ARE WRONG.
Imagine if your spouse behave like this, can you accept it?
5. Curiosity
Many of us may have thought of these before:
“I wonder how nice is it if Angelina Jolie is my girlfriend…”
“How wonderful will it be if Tom Cruise addresses me darling…”
Everyone loves surprises. People likes to have something new everyday. The feeling of having something new is so nice that sometimes we forget how important are the things we once have.
This is the same in relationship. After sometimes being together with the same partner, people sometimes wonder how will it be if their partner is someone else, someone they truly admire.
When an “opposite sex” indicates them some good intention (the more precise word is F.L.I.R.T.), people will sink into their deep thought, wondering how life will be if that guy/girl is their spouse instead of their current partner.
This emotion is devastating.
Many, I mean not all of us, are emotionally driven. For instance when we go shopping, how many of you have NEVER BOUGHT SOMETHING THAT YOU KNOW VERY WELL THAT YOU DON”T NEED IT? Can I have some hands?
If you never, then you are really good. =)
Face the truth, all of us have done that before. Our emotion has greater influence to how we act rather than our rational brain. It’s always our emotion that normally drive us to do something that we tend to regret later. When we’re curious of something, we’ll want to try it. We often neglect of what will come next.
So these are the common markers that normally lead to a bad ending of a relationship. If you have either one of them exists in your relationship, then you, or both of you will have to find solutions to solve it instead of waiting the another party to take the first step (ignorance).
After reading this, think again… Is your relationship failing?
i missed my snow days in uk too.. haha.. although, to...